the letters ranked

1. Qthe suck-up. cannot show up without u. carries the same load as k while pretending to be exotic. should have been retired during the great vowel shift on principle.
2. Cposes as a hard k, also poses as s, contributes nothing. parasite letter. only useful in ch and that's two letters doing one letter's job.
3. Xsound-effect letter. fine in mathematics, embarrassing in english. xylophone. please.
4. Ycan't decide. either be a vowel or don't.
5. Jlate arrival. wasn't even in the original latin, snuck in during the medieval period like it had always been there. i'm named after this letter. complicated feelings.
6. Vw's straight man. doesn't deserve its own slot but we're stuck with it.
7. Wliterally double u. literally just admits it in the name. shameless.
8. Kbrutal. always angry. fine.
9. Zsleepy letter. tries to be edgy. cannot pull it off.
10. Uhumble vowel. acceptable.
11. Ithe loneliest letter. always capitalized when alone. insecure.
12. Ethe most common letter and yet completely without personality. exists.
13. Nworkhorse. no complaints.
14. Rrolls or doesn't, depending on where you grew up. versatile. respected.
15. Tthe comma's competition. the third most common letter and the only one that looks like a hat-rack.
16. Drounded back. dependable. sounds like a closing door.
17. Llovely shape, lovely sound, lovely in handwriting. rises above.
18. Hdoes nothing on its own. spectacular in pairs. ch. sh. th. gh. ph. wh. a connector of consonants.
19. Pplosive joy. the lips do work.
20. Brounder p. bilabial showoff. balls.
21. Fthe only fricative that doesn't sound mad.
22. Mthe hum. you can sing m for as long as your breath holds. closest a consonant gets to a vowel.
23. Severy snake. every plural. the most generative letter.
24. Afirst. the open mouth. the article. has done more work than the entire bottom of this list combined.
25. Gsoft g, hard g, the gee. ginger. great. underrated because g is also the first letter of grateful and i refuse to be that.
26. Othe round one. the cheerios letter. the oh. the surprise. the most-shaped letter, the most-meaning letter in a single sound. perfect.