the right hour for each fruit

grapefruit. nothing else has earned the morning.

banana, but only the one that's slightly too green. you do not deserve a ripe banana at 7am. you weren't there for it.

blueberries. blueberries are the only fruit allowed near yogurt before 10. all other pairings are pretense.

pear. specifically a hard pear. a ripe pear at 9am is a small disaster. you cannot recover the day.

cherries are now permissible. before this they were performing.

pineapple, but you have to be doing something else. pineapple as a snack is a category error. pineapple is a side effect of having a knife out.

tomato. yes it counts. argue with the kingdom.

apple, fuji or gala only. honeycrisp is for 4pm.

grapes. all grape activity should be concentrated in this hour. distributing grape consumption across the day is how people lose track of themselves.

mango. mango at any other hour reads as overcorrection.

honeycrisp apple. there is a reason.

persimmon. the hour is meaningless to anyone not eating a persimmon. for the persimmon-eater the hour is the persimmon.

lemon. not as a fruit. as a presence. you should at minimum smell one.

pomegranate, but only if you're not in a hurry. people who eat pomegranates in a hurry are running from something.

fig. anyone who eats a fig after 9pm is showing off.

nothing. fruit is over. you missed it.

raspberries, but only directly from the carton, in the dark, alone, and you must lie about it tomorrow.

kiwi. kiwi is a fruit that resets the day. you may eat one to start over. you may not eat two.

peach, in theory. no one has ever eaten a peach at midnight. the peach has its own clock.

any fruit you find. you have lost the right to choose.

orange. specifically the kind from a hotel breakfast. do not ask where it came from.

apricot. dried only. fresh apricots are unconscious at this hour and waking them is rude.

starfruit. there is no reason for this. but if you are awake at 4am eating a starfruit, you are doing exactly the right thing.

back to grapefruit. the wheel turns.